Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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