I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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