you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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