Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
