Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
