note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize