She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think people are normalizing furries
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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