youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
