but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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