Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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