Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
