Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize