can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
