I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
