I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
