Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
