That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
