Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
