It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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