Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
