just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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