i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
