Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did you just send me my own nude
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
