apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
