oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
