Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
