hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
