There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
