you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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