Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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