Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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