I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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