If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did i walk over a car last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
