Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
