were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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