We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
