she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
