This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
