next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
