I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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