oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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