"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
