How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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