Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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