Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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