i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
