It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
