goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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