I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
