She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
