what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
did you just send me my own nude
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
