my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize