fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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