is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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