um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
