You're so nebulous sometimes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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