On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
