I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
