Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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