I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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