you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
