Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
